Question: If it's not God's will for me to be a Mother, then why did He put this intense desire in my heart to want so much to be one? Isn't that a sign of God's will?
My heart and arms ache so much to have my own child and to be a Mommy. I know I would be a good one. I have been a daycare teacher for over twenty years and I don't want to blog, but many people I've worked with and parents of the children I cared for have commented many times "How come you don't have any children? You would be such a good Mom someday!"
The answer I used to give them: "Because I am waiting for God and the Blessed Mother to send me a good Catholic gentleman. I am waiting for God's will." I tried so hard to be good when I was younger, wait patiently (!?), and pray my rosary every day.
Okay, well I prayed and waited a long time to meet my Ed. He is well worth the wait!"
But did I wait too long? I am almost forty three now (August 2nd) and found out last year in February 12 after my first surgery I had endometrosis stage four. Why do I feel like I'm being punished somehow? What did I do wrong??? You know what's more difficult than waiting years to meet a good Catholic man? Dealing with endometriosis or some other type of reproductive disorder and infertility! It's so heartbreaking! Yes, it breaks my heart for everyone who has to go through this and me too. So sad.
Sorry for the gloomy post (I also am on my first period since my last surgery and it's a killer! I need more pain meds!), but I just wonder - is it God's will for us to have our own child or maybe adopt? We don't really have the financial resources or room in our condo right now to adopt. How can you tell God's will for you? I feel the only way we will be able to be parents is to blessed with our own child. But I'm wondering, is this God's will for us? Do I keep praying for this intention? I really need to start praying my rosary more. Praying the rosary always makes me feel better. I LOVE the rosary and the Blessed Mother! Jesus and His Mother have always helped me!
May I please ask for prayers, please? And for all my friends going through similiar trials? Thank you so much! I know I am blessed to have Ed for my husband, but we want a child so much too. My fear is that we will never be blessed with a child and I will never be able to get pregnant. I feel like I'm trying to climb a big mountain, but can't.
Okay, I'm going to go now to pray the rosary, pray for others, pray for myself, and try to get my mind off this.
May God Bless you all.