Saturday, November 21, 2009

My Thoughts On Waiting, Waiting, and Waiting Some More....

I feel like I've been waiting, hoping, and praying for a long time for a miracle (Do you know that when I was single and praying the rosary for a good husband, I was also praying to be blessed with children after marriage? It's true! I prayed this prayer for several years!)! This month I thought maybe, just maybe, my waiting was over. You see, my cycle didn't arrive. However I didn't have any other symptoms. I talked with my Mom and she didn't have any symptoms either when she was pregnant with me - just the missed period. Well yesterday I finally bought a pregnancy test, prayed for God's will to be done, and guess what? Negative!

I feel like I've been waiting forever. It is so difficult to wait for something you want so much and to continue praying, hoping, and trusting. Especially at my age, which is forty three, when I had some aches and pains in my left ovary around Halloween, had spotting for several days around that time, and it seems my fertility is diminishing even more.

What more can I do to be able to get pregnant? How much more can I pray? Is there a child out there waiting for a good home? Someone who maybe needs a good Mother like me?

It just makes me feel so sad and I feel so discouraged sometimes. But I keep praying, hoping, and trying to trust!

I really hope and pray that God has a baby (or child) out there for us somewhere! I fear I will never have a positive pregnancy test!

Thank you so much for your prayers! Please know I'm praying for everyone and their intentions in my daily rosary and 7 Sorrows Rosary. You can always count on my prayers for you!

I feel like I would almost give anything to be able to have a baby and be a Mommy...almost anything!!

Waiting is so hard, isn't it? Especially when you want to be a Mommy and have a baby so much, yes?

In the meantime, while my waiting continues, I will go pick up my rosary! Praying the rosary helps give me the patience (?!) to continue waiting for my miracle. Praying the rosary helps give me the peace and comfort I need.

May God Bless you!
Maria

8 comments:

The Apostolate of Hannah's Tears said...

Hi Maria Therese!

What a beautiful devotion, thank you for sharing it with us on Hannah's Tear Ministry.... Many blessings to you and your husband this Thanksgiving!

Since I can't connect a link to you I thought I would send the link where you made your comment. You are welcome to link your post to the blog anytime.

http://theapostolateofhannahstears.blogspot.com/2008/10/saint-hannah.html

God bless,
Therese, O.C.D.S.
Hannah's Tears Ministry

Kelly said...

I just wanted to give you a huge hug and let you know that you are in my prayers. We have been praying for 9 years for another miracle....it is hard to wait and it does hurt very much. May God wrap His arms around you!

JellyBelly said...

Waiting is the hardest part of IF. The past four years has been one long wait and it seems like it will be endless.

I admire that you are using prayer to help you through this period of waiting. He will hear your prayers, I'm sure.

SBCE said...

It has been a while since I've read "The Confessions of Saint Augustine", so someone correct me if I'm wrong.

I would guess that when St. Monica was praying for her son to return to the Faith - that she never would have guessed that he would become a Bishop, preach many sermons and write inspiring books, be canonized, be an inspiration for Christians for centuries to come, and that she would be held up as a model of persevering prayer.

Surely all those prayers you say are ascending to heaven. A shower of grace, like an avalanche, has been building and building and building for as many years as you have been praying. Soon all that grace will come down in a powerful torrent and things will happen that we can't now see nor imagine. God won't let those prayers go to waste.

Keep praying, MT! You are an inspiration to us all.

God bless, SB

Maryanne said...

I came upon your blog and was reading about yourself. I am 55 years old and suffered with endometerosis too. At 33 years old, I decided to adopt a baby boy from another country, South Korea and this child is now 23 years old and the joy of our lives. I was meant to adopt this child. I feel God sent me this blessing for reason and that reason is that He opened my heart to love a child as I have given birth to him. God has a plan for all of us. I know how you are feeling right now because I have been there myself, but keep praying and God will lead you to the right direction.

spikescopilot said...

I've been waiting for quite a while myself, and have found comfort in the song "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller. Maybe it can bring you some comfort too:

“I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You Lord, And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You Lord, Though it is painful
But patiently I will wait.

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waiting, I will serve You
While I’m waiting, I will worship
While I’m waiting, I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait”

WheelbarrowRider said...

Maria Therese,
I am glad you found my blog. I am wondering if you have heard of Dr. Hilgers, the doctor in Omaha I went to. He is an expert in removing endometriosis. I can't promise it will make you conceive, of course, but if you already know that is your problem, he is well known for treating it more effectively. He was covered by our insurance-it is worth looking into. He is a wonderful faith filled Catholic reprodcutive endocrinologist who started his practice in response to humanae vitae. He is excellent at getting to the bottom of issues.

JohnMichael said...

I am holding you up to the Lord Jesus in my prayer in faith. Our connection is the rosary and a great love and devotion to God.

A thought... your desirve for a child is from God. Put all of your attention on God... really all of it... think no longer of a child. Consider Mary during the angels visit to her. A child was not a consideration of hers and she was a bit confused by the angels greetings to her. But in total devotion to God she accepted His will in total obedience. There is a great joy in waiting when you are waiting with God. Put your will on the altar and accept in total obedience God's enduring love.

In Christ Jesus - JohnMichael