Monday, December 7, 2009

Feeling overwhelmed and lonely here

Okay, I feel overwhelmed right now by endometriosis stage four, infertility, the fact that I've been skipping periods, and my doctor last week brought up the word peri-menopause to me. They took a hormone panel, but I haven't recieved the results yet. I am afraid to find out. I am also afraid to go see my Napro doctor this Friday and hear what he is going to say. I requested my hormone panel results to be faxed to the Napro doctor.

Things just look so bleak right now. My heart and arms are aching so much to have a baby of my own and to be a full time wife and mother, but I'm afraid it would take a miracle for it to happen for me.

I don't know. I just feel so sad and discouraged right now. I also wonder why do I even blog? I don't think anybody visits my blog.

I really wish I knew some ladies who suffer from infertility in Mass and we could get together to talk and share or chat on the phone. I feel like I can't talk to anybody about this and not many people understand. I wish there was such a thing as an infertility group in my area.

Oh well. What can I do? As always, try to trust and pray, but it is becoming more difficult. There doesn't seem to be any answers. Still, I cling to my rosary and to my new 7 Sorrows Rosary of Our Lady.

Thinking of you all and praying for you all!

Mumbling to myself...don't cry Maria, don't cry.



Kelly said...

Hugs Maria,

I have felt very alone over the years of dealing with infertility. It is also difficult to be Catholic and see all the large beautiful Catholic families and know that you have fertility issues. I have PCOS, don't ever have a period without medication and my husband has Kidney disease which has damaged his swimmers. We have been trying for 9 years now....we have heard it all, done all the treatments allowed by the Catholic church and prayed. We were also foster parents. Because of my husband's kidney disease (was just diagnosised in September) we aren't able to be foster parents any longer and we are also not able to adopt....I was crushed and cried and cried. Support is very important, but it can be hard to find.

Maybe you could start a small group in your church for infertility. I never did because I knew there would be issues that I wasn't willing to deal with. My husband and I fail in our lives to be faithful, but when it comes to our infertility issues we have always done only the things approved by the Church, many Catholics do whatever it takes, even if it is against their faith...I NEVER judge the choices of others, but it hurt my heart and my soul to see people turning from their faith.

If you ever want to talk, please don't hesitate to email me sewingandxstitching at verizon dot net


By the way I do read your blog and feel inspired by your faith!

Jamie said...

(((((hugs)))))) and prayers...

Shannon said...

I read your blog!
You're a dear. I'll pray for you at my holy hour tomorrow.
I'm sorry things have been so difficult for you.

Praying for Hope said...

I read your blog, although I don't post much. I should. I'm sorry. I'm also sorry you're going through this mess now. Keep blogging if only to vent all your frustrations out. Blogging is what keeps me sane when I'm at my lowest.

I understand the frustrations. What I personally don't understand is why some women are forced to go through these frustrations while most others go sailing through their reproductive lives without a single ripple wave to slow them down. I suppose mine is not to wonder why . . . but I do anyway.

I'll cross my fingers that your appointment on Friday brings you much better news than peri-menopause.

LifeHopes said...

Hey, I read your blog, too! I bet you never knew it!

I promise to pray for you on this Feast of the Immaculate Conception.

I am sorry you are hurting. I know this won't last forever. Blessings to you.

mrsblondies said...

I read your blog too. I just had my first lap yesterday for endo and I have my laparatomy scheduled for March. I'm sorry that you are having a rough time right now.

Steph said...

I don't know where you live but I would love to chat anytime. I live in Wichita.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. God is so good - trust in His will and He will fullfill you.