Saturday, January 2, 2010

No Period Again - Frustrating!

It happened again. No period. MIA.

Not sure what to do.

Last time this happened in November, I waited a little while to see if it would make an appearance. When it didn't arrive, I took ten days worth of progesterone suppositories. This is what my Napro doctor recommended I do in April after my period didn't show up after my second surgery.

I am pretty sure I am not pregnant. No symptoms again except the MIA period. I wonder could this be due to my age? 43? Or my bad diet? Too many Pepsi's? I love Pepsi and anything with sugar. It makes me feel better.

My Napro doctor wants me to do a hormone series to see if I might have PCOS, but I probably have to wait until the Spring. Why? Because we are an one car family and I don't drive. My work place is only down the street from our condo. I usually walk home from work in good weather or ride my bike. However winter is in full force right now with lots of snow on the ground so walking and riding the bike to the doctor's office (within biking distance - I've done it many times before!) is NOT an option right now.

This is so frustrating, but unlike in November I am not letting myself get upset over this. It's difficult though because without ovulating and a regular period, how can we conceive a child? I can't. I know that. It seems what little fertility I might have had in my first two years of marriage, is now dwindling even further.

I now see my only option for becoming a Mother is foster adoption or adoption, but even that won't be easy. Hubby tells me all the time we don't have the $$$ to adopt. I have heard when you foster adopt the state will pay for it, but I do not know much about that.

Isn't it awful? For my arms and heart to long so much for a child, but for some reason it is nearly impossible for me to be able to conceive? And my only option seems to be adoption, but we don't have the necessary $$ to adopt? So heartbreaking! Truly heartbreaking!

Okay, I better go now before I start crying. I thought I was doing better not letting myself be sad or discouraged over this, but I guess maybe I'm not.

It's just so....well, heartbreaking to me! I want so much to be a Mother!

There just HAS to be some way for me to be able to become a Mother....please God and the Blessed Mother?

Well, I'll keep on praying!

May God Bless you!
MT

10 comments:

prayerfuljourney said...

Trust me...I know it's frustrating too and my last RE told me honestly that my age is making it harder. Ugh! I ,too, like sugar..it makes me feel better. I'm working on dwindling that and taking away caffeine a little at a time (to avoid the major withdrawl). Now that I know I have aci.d re.flux...I have to be careful with what I eat. That A.R. could be a blessing in disguise.

If you read my blog you'll see that I am on a journey of living God's will...I'm really a peace when I think about it. I have to stop "beating a dead horse"..and move on. I'm learning that it's about what God wants for me...not what I want for myself. It's hard...but mind over heart seems to be working. I'll keep you in my prayers as you continue on your own journey. Just know God loves you!

Kelly said...

Hugs!

I have PCOS and sugar does greatly affect my body. Women with PCOS have infertility problems along with other issues. The best way to bring your period back (if you do have PCOS) is through diet and exercise. I know that is easier said than done. I haven't had a period since August....I'm getting ready to focus on eliminating all white sugar and white flour from my diet and exercise daily. I have a friend with PCOS that changed her diet and started to exercise and not only lost weight, but her period returned! She is pregnant for the first time in 14 years of trying. Age does factor in. Because of our faith we don't have many medical options, but we are allowed to use Clomid, which is a very good option for PCOS women. It worked for me in 1999, but hasn't worked since. I will pray that God will guide you and gives you peace. Hugs!

Kelly said...

Oh I completely forgot to comment on the foster to adopt thought. My husband and I were foster parents (we are no longer able to foster because DH was diagnosed with PKD) and yes you can adopt through foster care for free. Sometimes they will even pay you depending on the situation. Depending on what state you are in they will also provide the child with medical coverage until they are 18 years old. It is something to pray about and look into. May God lead you to the child He has planned for you!
Hugs!

Jamie said...

Are you aware of the "waiting children"? There are tons of children that are in the system waiting to be adopted, they are in foster homes right now. They are probably older children and no babies, but maybe that is the route for you? There is no cost, except of course the cost of raising a child. This is not an easy thing though, as there has probably been lots of abuse and therefore lots of issues with that. Actually if you pick a child, then the child would live with you legally as a foster child and you would be paid from the state until adoption is finalized. Just something to look into and pray seriously about. Again, it is not an easy thing to do, but these children are so very needy.

Jamie said...

Oh, you could check out Downey Side adoption agency or check with your county

Praying for Hope said...

I'm sorry. I know the frustration.

Shannon said...

oh goodness. this is so hard. praying for you.
could a friend bring you to the doctor sooner??
check in with sew re: foster adopt...
i think that would be wonderful!

Shannon said...

I was just here looking at some children in foster care.
I know some are older, but look at their precious faces, maybe one will speak to your heart...
http://www.mareinc.org/MARE-Online-Photolisting.html

mars_clark said...

Hi Maria,
I found your blog through the St. Gianna Facebook page. I will be praying for you & your husband. I know some of what you're going through. My husband & I married last February & we've been trying to conceive since that time.

I've been to my obgyn several times - was blood tested & ultrasounded for PCOS - blood work was fine & there were no visible cysts on my ovaries, so my doc has ruled that out.

However, on the ultrasound my doc noticed an uterine birth defect. I appear to have a piece of tissue hanging into my uterine cavity, separating my uterus in half. She couldn't tell how severe it was from the ultrasound, so she wants me to undergo more tests. I've researched the condition, & it ranges in severity from women conceiving & delivering completely normally to a 4% chance of carrying a baby to full term. It all depends on the size & length of the tissue.

To correct the problem, I would have to be referred to a specialist (the closest being 200 miles away) & undergo surgery to remove the tissue. Although we can't really afford to take time off work or pay for a costly surgery right now. In a way I have time on my side, & in another I don't. I am still relatively young (26), but my husband is several years older & already considered too old for adoption in most of the countries I've researched. Nor do we have the money to finance the entire process.

While growing up & throughout college I always secretly wanted to have twin daughters. I still do, but now that I may not be able to conceive or bring a baby to term, the dream seems farther away than ever. Neither my husband's family or my family possess any sets of twins, so it would be a true miracle if that ever occurred. I still haven't completely given up hope, but I'd be happy with one healthy baby of any sex, given the trouble we've had conceiving.

I have been a lifelong Catholic, & so has my husband. When I was in high school & college I fell away from the church, & I'm now trying to build my relationship with God & the church back from 8+ years of lapse. I am hoping that St. Gianna, St. Gerard, St. Ann, etc. will recognize the authenticity my desire to have a relationship with God & see me fit to accept the gift of motherhood.

Sorry for rambling on, but I wanted to let you know that you're not alone in your feelings of depression, uncertainty, hopelessness, etc. I have spent many nights crying myself to sleep, hoping that one day my prayers will be answered.

Gardenia said...

hello. I'm here from Lord make Me a Saint, where I saw a comment from you. loved your name so wanted to check out your blog. nice to meet you. I too struggled with loss of menstrual cycle as hubby and I tried to conceive -- I was 44 I think. We went on to adopt my only child, a beautiful baby girl who is my joy! perhaps God is calling you to adopt. blessings