Monday, May 17, 2010

Cycle update - I think I have bilateral endometriomas (ovarian cysts) again! This will be the third time!

Hubby and I traded in our white Ford Ranger two seater truck and bought a black Dodge Caravan this past weekend. We love our new wheels!

Hubby and I are still hoping and praying to be able to conceive on our own. Unfortunately this past year since my last surgery in April 2009, my cycles have been a mess. I skipped a few cycles, had some strange spotting inbetween cycles a few times, sometimes my cycles are the normal 26-28 days I used to have, but now sometimes my cycles go 29-32 days, and I do not see much mucus. Are these signs of being peri-menopausal? Also does anybody know what spotting inbetween cycles usually mean? Does spotting ever happen to any of you other ladies diagnosed with endometriosis? The first time it happened in October 2009 it freaked me out! The second time it happened it freaked me out too!

I might have to have an ultrasound done (I am pretty sure I have developed more ovarian cysts/endometriomas again, which probably means another surgery! Something I am NOT looking forward to! I've already had two surgeries to remove endometriosis and bilateral endometriomas!), but I do not want to go see a main stream OB/GYN who will probably give me the speech I need birth control pills or need to go see an infertility doctor who will tell me the only way I'm going to be able to get pregnant is through artificial means. I won't take birth control pills and I won't try artificial means to get pregnant. I won't do anything that could possibly harm a potential new life, abort a new life getting ready to implant, or cause hubby and I to lose our souls and heaven. There's just no way. Even though I had a good cry for myself this past weekend, I am trying so hard to pick up my rosary, pray, and trust God. I know God can do the impossible. He can do miracles! Look what happened to "All You Who Hope" and "Sew" - they're both pregnant with miracle babies! Maybe someday the same thing can happen to me?

Yeah, but I think I need to lose some weight, start exercising, and eat better. I'm trying! I'm really trying!

By the way, I'm praying for all you new Mothers to Be, new Mothers through Adoption (Hubby and I are looking into foster care and adoption, but we don't know anything about either! We also don't have the funds to be able to adopt right now either! We really do need a miracle especially since it looks like with my diminishing fertility and crazy cycles, it looks like the only way I will ever be able to become a Mother is through adoption! But how when you do not have enough funds?), and everyone desiring the blessing of Motherhood and the gift of a child! I'm storming heaven for all of us!

May God Bless you all!

Love,
Maria

15 comments:

JellyBelly said...

I'm so sorry that you're having such a hard time right now.

I hope and pray that you don't need another surgery!

Btw, thank you for all of your prayers for me!

Kaitlin @ More Like Mary said...

Hi Maria! I saw your comment on my post today-I'm sorry your down about not getting a lot of visitors. But your profile has had TONS of visitors, so they are definitely out there! I try to remember that blogging needs to be for me and not for others. If it's not helping me sort out my own feelings or grow closer to God then it's not worth doing. Do you feel that it does that for you? Because if so, I think you should blog no matter who is reading! But if not, maybe now just isn't the right time. Also, you never know who is reading and not commenting. You could be changing lives and not even know it!

Thank you for your prayers. Surely God must listen to the prayers of such a faithful woman!

The Petrolias said...

Hi Maria.
I am a friend of Kaitlin's and I saw your post on her blog. Even though I don't share your struggles, I am inspired by your faithfulness. I am sending up prayers for you!

allyouwhohope said...

I know it's hard to endure another surgery.. I was devastated when I found out I needed another one last August. But you never know, it could end up being a great thing, the missing puzzle piece. At the very least it could help with your pain and symptoms.

Do you have a Creighton Model teacher? Even if you don't live near one, you can sometimes find someone to do it long distance over the phone. They'd be able to answer a lot of the questions you asked in this post.

I'm praying God grows your family according to his special plan for you!

Leila said...

Oh, I am so sorry to hear about all of the problems you have been having! I will pray for you!

I think that foster-adopt is an inexpensive way to become parents... You should look into that. Perhaps a sibling group that needs a loving home and wonderful parents like you? I would think that would be a dream come true for a sibling group.

Ann said...

oh, Maria, I'm so sorry to hear that you may be facing another surgery! I hope that it doesn't come to that...

I highly recommend that you and Ed start looking into the foster-to-adpot program in your state, I'm sure you'll qualify!

You're in my prayers.

Praying for Hope said...

I don't remember what spotting in between cycles means other than possible ovulation. I spotted all the time. Didn't like it, but that's the was it was.

As for the foster-adopt route, I know a couple who did it. The woman was a cancer survivor several times over. Due to her various treatments, they were unable to have their own children. Eventually, in their very early 40s, they decided try fostering. They first an only foster child was an older girl - 13 maybe? Although they had some growing pains initially, they were patient with her (she went through several foster homes), grew to love her, and eventually adopt her. They're all doing well now. I admit, they're the only ones I know who went that route, but it was a very positive experience for them.

Kelly said...

Praying for you and sorry you are having a hard time.

Sew said...

ugh another surgery! I'm so sorry!!! What a pain....

When we started the fostercare process it was cheap. Well free for the classes....And all you need is a crib or a bed depending on the age....I think it would be an awesome idea! I also think you would be great at it!

You should look into it!!

LifeHopes said...

I just know that God will make a way for you if you desire to adopt. Start asking Him specifically to open those doors. Start calling agencies, research programs in your state, and decide which ones you might be able to afford ... then you will be amazed at how He will provide the funding. Who knows? Perhaps you can raise some money on this blog?

I promise to pray more for this specific desire of yours (the funds for adoption). Also, may His will be done regarding your fertility. I am sorry (I should know this) but who did your previous surgeries?

Ann - Building a Nest said...

Yes! Miracles can and do happen!

I agree with Kaitlyn (and will try to take that advice as well). Write for yourself. People are reading even if they aren’t commenting. I was looking back over some my old posts that were not interesting and filled with medical junk, but was amazed about the things I had forgotten about (and meant to ask my doctor about). I know that stuff wasn’t interesting for anyone to read, but I’m glad I wrote it.

some how, some way, some day said...

Hey, I found you through a comment on another blog. Can't remember who's, though. If you want to e-mail me we can chat about foster care\adoption. My experience in 2005 was awful but this one has been amazing! It goes show God's timing is everything!

mrsblondies said...

Definitely focus on writing for yourself and getting your feelings out. I have had spotting/bleeding in between cycles, and the doctors don't know exactly what caused it but it wasn't cysts or low progesterone. I have endometriosis, but I just had a laparatomy in March to remove all the endo. I'm sorry you are feeling down. I agree with just starting to look into adoption and seeing what the options around you cost and considering foster-to-adopt.

KC said...

Hi Mary. I completely understand what you are going through. Feel free to read my blog, but I have endo, was unsuccessful at conceiving, decided to do adoption through CPS, have a beautiful little girl in the process and will continue to adopt more children. Feel free to email me or ask me any questions. After I adopted my daughter I decided to go for complete hysterectomy and am feeling much better. I am 29. I was diagnosed at 24 and had 3 laporoscopic surgeries and two 6-month lupron treatments, and just about everything else, to no avail. I'll pray for you <><

Sissy said...

I know how you feel about adoption being expensive. It is. Although, check out adopting through your local foster program. Ours here isn't that great, but it has worked for other people and is practically free.

We chose an agency that was within what we could afford, thinking that my work helps after the fact as does the government. Most agencies take VISA, and we may have to cover part of it that way. Start with exploring the agencies around you and ask lots of questions. I called many, many agencies before we found one that we liked. And yes, many are VERY expensive. I can't afford a $40,000 adoption but there are those that can.

I say all that to say, look into it. Good luck.