Saturday, March 3, 2012

Do they know how blessed they are to be able to Be Mamas?

I have not given up totally on the hope of being able to concieve and give birth to our own child, BUT in order to do so I really need a miracle! However, I realize the odds are NOT in my favor. I regret not being more assertive in my younger years when I tried to tell my Primary Physician when I was in my thirties that I had very painful periods. The response: "Take Three Aleve!" Yes, I was sent to an OB/GYN by this same Primary Physician when it was discovered I had a cyst on my ovary after suffering from a kidney stone in 2004, but that OB/GYN did nothing. I visited her three times and all she did was give me a pelvic exam, make me take the CAT test (which scared me to death because I am NOT a dummy and knew she was testing me for ovarian cancer!), and tell me "No, you do not need surgery. We just need to keep an eye on this cyst." I can't help thinking that if I had been more assertive, opened up my big mouth, and asked for a second opinion, maybe, just maybe all the damage done to my reproductive system by the endometriosis stage four could have been lessened and just maybe, the hubby and could have been more successful in being able to concieve a child.

I also regret that when I was single, I did not take a greater interest in learning how to eat more healthy, lose weight, and exercise. When I became engaged to hubby at age forty, I remember becoming very anxious whether we would be able to have children, but somehow it never dawned on me that eating more healthy, losing weight, and exercising has such a major part in being able to concieve. Yes, I did order high quality pre-natal multi vitamins recommended by a good Catholic friend in the hopes of being able to concieve once we were married, but that wasn't enough. I needed better medical care, a primary physician who was better aware of the signs of endometriosis, and could give me a referral to a specialist who could have given me the medical help I needed. Instead I was told by the primary physician, I was "Fertile Myrtle", and I should have no problem being able to have children. Maybe if I had done that I would have been able to give my husband the children he really wanted. Maybe if I had done those things I would not be sitting here with an aching heart and empty arms.

Now I fear it's too late. I am forty five now. We were seeing a wonderful Napro doctor for three years who I really liked, but during the last visit in October 2011 Hubby spoke the fatal words that ended our visits: "We are no longer interested in fertility." He might no longer be interested in fertility, but I still am! I still take several vitamins in the hope for a miracle. I still hope and pray for a miracle - every day I've been praying the rosary, Divine Mercy Chaplet, and St. Gianna novena prayer with rosary beads touched to St. Gianna's relics.

As a woman who seems barren as a stone, it upsets me so much that other women see their fertility as a curse instead of a blessing. I know so many women who after being blessed with children, opt to have their tubes tied. What upsets me even more (to the point of tears) is when I hear men and women speak that unborn children are just globs of tissue and not people. They speak about how it's their body, their uterus, and their right to abort if they so choose. As a woman who longs for the gift of a child, but cannot concieve it pains me so. Several times after reading articles about women being pregnant with multiples, but electing for "selective abortions" I have just broken down in tears, had to leave the computer, kneel down, and cry "Why?" in front of our Divine Mercy Picture of Jesus in the living room. I pray for these women every day. I just can't understand why or how could a Mother murder her own child in the womb.

I have even encountered a few women online declaring they are planning to have abortions and have offered to adopt their babies, but are met with an indifferent, often angry response. I have noticed that if you find out someone wants to abort their child and you offer to adopt it, the angry feminists will say things like "I am not a breeder for infertile women." Can you say ouch? After encountering these kind of responses and being very hurt, I spoke to a Priest about it. He advised me to pray for these women. I do pray for them. I pray for them every day.

I have this dream where a woman who does not wish to be a Mother to the cherished child in her womb, finds me somehow, asks me if I want to adopt her child, and totally overjoyed, I tell her "Yes!" If I had my way, I would adopt every child in danger of being aborted. How I wish I could!

Maybe someday my dream will come true and I will become a Mama! It is my hope and prayer! In the meantime, I pray for all Mamas and Dads to choose and value life! I also pray for all my family and friends who are blessed to be Mamas! I hope they know how blessed they are to be able to be a Mama!

17 comments:

Julie said...

Praying that God leads you and your husband back to the same page in regards to all aspects of fertility. I pray that you grow stronger with this cross and that God works everything out for the good of you who love Him.

the misfit said...

Wow, that response ("I am not a breeder") would never have even occurred to me. Of course, they've ALREADY bred...but they don't get that, I guess. I wish it were somehow possible to show women considering abortion the terrible pain and sorrow they'll feel afterward and make them really understand it; it would save them from needless pain and save their babies' lives to boot. But nobody believes it beforehand, and nobody gets out of it afterward. So frustrating.

Also - you didn't ask for advice and this is probably not helpful at all - but I hate to see you playing the "what if" game. I got married at 23 and I was actually underweight. My doctors already knew I had endometriosis and I had already had surgery and taken lupron, and I sought treatment early (if not as aggressively as some). We're in our seventh year of marriage and it has done no good. I'm only 30 now, but it seems pretty clear I'll never be able to have a child. There's another blogger who got married at 18 and started ttc right away. So while you never know exactly what would have happened if the past had gone differently, married younger, treated younger, thinner, better diet...there's no magic bullet. You're not infertile because you did something wrong. Some of us are just allowed by God to carry this cross...it doesn't seem to me there's much rhyme or reason in it. Just my $.02.

barbie said...

Beautifully said misfit! I can't add anything to that:)

JellyBelly said...

Continued prayers for you Maria!

Julie said...

totally agree with misfit. I too got married young (age 22) and started ttc on day ONE! Had surgery BEFORE I even got married. After almost 11 years of marriage, we still have had NO PREGNANCIES!
God knew this from the beginning. It is easy to say "what if?" but God doesn't work that way. If He wants us to conceive, He works with us where we are! His plans are NOT our plans...unless we are already saints!

Jamie Jo said...

Hi Maria T--check out Leila's blog post today!!

http://littlecatholicbubble.blogspot.com/2012/03/cant-get-orphans-off-my-mind.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+blogspot%2FLittleCatholicBubble+%28Little+Catholic+Bubble%29

copy and paste that and check it out!

Leila @ Little Catholic Bubble said...

Maria, don't give up on the possibility of the orphans! Look at Megan:

http://reecesrainbow.org/652/megan2h

She has $24,000 dollars in her fund, and you would not have to do much fundraising at all to adopt her. That's a huge amount already available to any family who adopts her, to use for adoption fees, travel, etc. You should look into it! Email the people at RR and get things started. :) :)

Thanks, Jamie Jo!

Molly said...

Well said misfit!!

Maria, you will be in my prayers!

I just turned 30 and have been married for 4 years. I know that's not very long, but we've been praying for a "little blessing" since day 1, and we are still praying.

All tests come out normal, so there's no real medical reason for not conceiving, and that to me is extremely frustrating. As I read your post I felt like it was me on my bad days...thankfully my husband is a man of strong faith and he helps to keep me from feeling too defeated or depressed.

We must remember to pray, and pray, and keep praying.

You mentioned adoption several times, but there was no mention of how your husband felt about it. I pray that soon you will both want the same things in this regard.

BTW, I may only be 30, but my husband just turned 47, and even though men can have babies 'til the end, I worry about not being able to make him a father while he's still young enough to enjoy it.

Prayers for you!

BlessedBeLord said...

I came to your blog from Leila's blog. My heart broke after reading your post. Please don't give up hope. God will open doors for you & will bless you abundantly. You will be in my prayers.

silverbeetle said...

I too, am 45, and after 4 m/cs, also childless, and struggling... wondering what God's plan for us could be. It IS hard, wondering why God would plant such a noble desire (to be parents) in us, if not to fulfill them. l pray that we will both soon gracefully accept that while He isn't giving us what we WANT, He will give us what we NEED... in His perfect time. And in the meantime, we love Him, and our husbands, as best we can.

uza dortor said...

i am giving this testimony cos l am happy

My name is mrs. Karolina Benson from Houston,taxes.i never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once. when i went to Africa in October 12th this year on a business summit. i ment a man called dr. Atakpo.He is powerful he could help you cast a spells to bring back my love’s gone,misbehaving lover looking for some one to love you, bring back lost money and magic money spell or spell for a good job.i’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 2 years… i really loved him, but his mother was against me and he had no good paying job. so when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him..at first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. and in 6 days when i returned to taxes, my boyfriend (is now my husband ) he called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married..i didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do… well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid,and my husband also got a new job and our lives became much better. in case anyone needs the spell caster for some help, email address atakpospelltemple@yahoo.com

Great Atakpo i thank you very much thank you in 1000000 times.. if not you i would have been losted and wasted thank you.

please make sure you contact him for any financial difficulties okay..

What a powerful man such as Dr Atakpo.. he is so much powerful..\\ email him for any difficulties.. atakpospelltemple@yahoo.com

deborah said...



deborah

i am giving this testimony cos l am happy My name is mrs. Deborah Collins from Houston,taxes.i never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once. when i went to Africa in April 28th this year on a business summit. i ment a man called dr. Atakpo.He is powerful he could help you cast a spells to bring back my love’s gone,misbehaving lover looking for some one to love you, bring back lost money and magic money spell or spell for a good job.i’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 2 years… i really loved him, but his mother was against me and he had no good paying job. so when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him..at first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. and in 6 days when i returned to taxes, my boyfriend (is now my husband ) he called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married..i didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do… well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid,and my husband also got a new job and our lives became much better. in case anyone needs the spell caster for some help, email address atakpotemble@yahoo.com Great Atakpo i thank you very much thank you in 1000000 times.. if not you i would have been losted and wasted thank you. please make sure you contact him for any financial difficulties okay.. What a powerful man such as Dr Atakpo.. he is so much powerful..\\ email him for any difficulties.. atakpotemble@yahoo.com


uza dortor said...

sarah
My Name is sarah.I will love to share my testimony to all the people in the forum cos i never thought i will have my boyfriend back and he means so much to me..The boy i want to get marry to left me 4 weeks to our wedding for another woman..,When i called him he never picked my calls,he deleted me on his facebook and he changed his facebook status from married to Single...when i went to his place of work he told his boss he never want to see me..I lost my job as a result of this cos i cant get myself anymore,my life was upside down and everything did not go smooth with my life...I tried all i could do to have her back to all did not work out until i met a Man when i Travel to Africa to execute some business have been developing some years back..I told him my problem and all have passed through in getting her back and how i lost my job...he told me he gonna help me...i don't believe that in the first place.but he swore he will help me out and he told me the reason why my boyfriend left me and also told me some hidden secrets.i was amazed when i heard that from him..he said he will cast a spell for me and i will see the results in the next couple of days..then i travel back to Us the following day and i called him when i got home and he said he's busy casting those spells and he has bought all the materials needed for the spells,he said am gonna see positive results in the next 2 days that is wednesday...My girlfriend called me at exactly 12:35pm on wednesday and apologies for all he had done ..he said,he never knew what he was doing and his sudden behavior was not intentional and he promised not to do that again.it was like am dreaming when i heard that from her and when we ended the call,i called the man and told him my boyfriend called and he said i haven't seen anything yet... he said i will also get my job back in 3 days time..and when its saturday,they called me at my place of work that i should resume working on Monday and they gonna compensate me for the time limit have spent at home without working..My life is back into shape,i have my girlfriend back and we are happily married now with kids and i have my job back too.This man is really powerful..if we have up to 20 people like him in the world,the world would have been a better place..he has also helped many of my friends to solve many problems and they are all happy now..Am posting this to the forum for anybody that is interested in meeting the man for help.you can mail him to uzaallpowerfulspelltemple@gmail.com I cant give out his number cos he told me he don't want to be disturbed by many people across the world..he said his email is okay and he' will replied to any emails asap..hope he helped u out too..good luck:uzaallpowerfulspelltemple@gmail.com.Once Again His Email Address Is: uzaallpowerfulspelltemple@gmail.com

deborah said...

Santana Valdez Says

i am giving this testimony cos l am happy

My name is mrs. Santana Valdez from Houston,taxes.i never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once. when i went to Africa in June 28th 2013 this year on a business summit. i ment a man called dr. Atakpo.He is powerful he could help you cast a spells to bring back my love’s gone,misbehaving lover looking for some one to love you, bring back lost money and magic money spell or spell for a good job.i’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 2 years… i really loved him, but his mother was against me and he had no good paying job. so when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him..at first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. and in 6 days when i returned to taxes, my boyfriend (is now my husband ) he called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married..i didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do… well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid,and my husband also got a new job and our lives became much better. in case anyone needs the spell caster for some help, email address atakpotemble@yahoo.com Great Atakpo i thank you very much thank you in 1000000 times.. if not you i would have been losted and wasted thank you. Email Him Through his email address... atakpotemble@yahoo.com please make sure you contact him for any financial difficulties okay...What a powerful man such as Dr Atakpo.. he is so much powerful..\\ email him for any difficulties.. atakpotemble@yahoo.com




abubakar spelltemple said...

Hello am ruth banner I want to thank the great dr abubakar of abubakarspelltemple@gmail.com he is a very good and reliable spell caster if there are people like him the eorld would be a better place he saved my 10years marraige my husband john left me for a little girl leaving our kids and I with nothing I tried many things until I heard of dr abubakar of abubakarspelltemple@gmail.com I contacted but I had my doubts he told me not to worry that everything will be okay and he kept to his word I want to tell him thank you and I want you to contact him too with his mail abubakarspelltemple@gmail.com he will help you too

joyce said...

I want you to hear a good testimony of the great love Dr Odige of odigelovespelltemple@yahoo.com) who help me on my time of problems, My name is Joyce and i am from France and i am married with 2kids and i had a lovely family before before all the problem i want to share with you happened,my husband use to be very caring and lovely to me and my kids and we were very happy with each other,until a day and we where having a dinner in one of the restaurant in our state and their was a lady who was sitting close to us and i never knew she was interested to have my husband and due to i was with my husband she could not do anything there then after that day,my husband started to maltreat us at home not knowing that he his seeing that lady until a friend came to told me and i confirm it my self it really hurt due to the love we shared before,it really affected me until a friend who came from Africa told me about the powers of Africa spell Doctors specially Dr Odige of odigelovespelltemple@yahoo.com,even if i did not believe in spell i had nothing but to try and to my greatest surprise my husband came back home and beg me and now we are living more happy than before please you all should come together and thanks these great Dr Odige of odigelovespelltemple@yahoo.com,He can also help you if you believe in him and these is contact:odigelovespelltemple@yahoo.com

Mariaa D said...

Hi Maria,
I just found your blog today. Your posts are raw with emotion. I pray that a miracle may happen and you may become a mother.

Have you registered to adopt a child? I seen this program on television recently about 15,000 children who are in care in Britian. The UK are at a stage now where they have more children they people eligible to adopt. Many people also want to adopt babies instead of children who are that bit older. After five a child's chance of adoption is far less. I do not know your circumstances but maybe there is a child who is a little older who prays and longs for a mother and father. Maybe you could be a mother to that child?

I do not suffer from endometriosis but I do suffer from an underactive thyroid. My husband and I were told it may be hard to conceive or carry a pregnancy to term shortly after we got married. It was heartbreaking. I was in my early twenties. Thankfully we did conceive a beautiful boy shortly afterwards. He is so beautiful and loving. He just turned three in March. Sometimes, however, when my health is not very good I find it hard. I had a very long road to recovery after he was born and I am not sure "if" or "when" we will be blessed with another child. One thing we do know we will always welcome a child into our hearts and our home. I pray your path will become clearer shortly and you may have an oppportunity to accept a child into your lives in whatever way possible.

God Bless
Maria.