No sign of my cycle now for almost three months now. I am not sure what to do, what to think, or my feelings about this. In a way, I'm very sad about this because it seems God might be closing the door for us to be able to have biological children. Even though, the doctors always gave us a low chance of being able to concieve, I still hoped and prayed. I keep wondering, why God? Why couldn't we be blessed with a child? I don't understand. So many other ladies in their forties (I know quite a few who are the same age as I am, they still have their cycle, and are pregnant!)have been able to concieve. Why can't we? Did we do something wrong? Didn't try hard enough? I just don't understand.
I did ask the Nurse Practitioner a few weeks ago when I had yet another asthma attack (every six to eight weeks it seems!)at the clinic about my disappearing cycle, we did a pregnancy test just to make sure (I refuse to buy one of those boxes for fifteen dollars only to have it turn negative on me again - what a waste of money!), and of course it was NEGATIVE, as always. The Nurse Practioner told me missing cycles is normal for age 45. Okay, but everyone I've talked to who has experienced this phenomenon of missing periods seems to be closer to 50, NOT 45! To me, at age 45, it seems I'm experiencing this a bit too young. My Mom told me she didn't experience skipped cycles until she was 50. The Nurse Practioner reminded me: "Yeah, but you have endometriosis and experienced two surgeries. Your Mom didn't." That is true.
I am convinced that the second endometriosis surgery might have somehow prompted this premature menopause symptons. Extensive work was done on my ovaries, I had bi-lateral cysts on both ovaries, which were cut out of the ovaries, and my left ovary was stitched up in such a way to discourage more cysts from forming. Right after that second surgery, in the same month, that's when my cycle started disappearing on me, getting lighter, showing up some months, disappearing in other months, getting lighter, lighter, shorter, and then eventually disappearing almost three months ago.
The good news is that I have lost ten pounds and given up soda. Still though, I wish, somehow, I still had a chance to try to concieve again. I'm still not ready to give up. I still dream of being a Mama. But how is that going to come true now when I do not even get a cycle? Isn't there anything I can do to try to bring it back?
Trying so hard to accept God may have closed the door on my being a biological Mama, but still it hurts! What can I do?? Is God really closing the door on my being a biological Mama??
Prayers, please! Thank you so much!
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I am a Catholic wife trying to be the best wife I can be to my husband, to do God's will, and be able to accept His will in our marriage and family whatever it may be. I have a devotion to the Blessed Mother and Her Rosary. My desire is to share my love of the Blessed Mother and the Rosary and spread this devotion in this blog.