Sunday, May 20, 2012

Menopause at age 45? :(

No sign of my cycle now for almost three months now. I am not sure what to do, what to think, or my feelings about this. In a way, I'm very sad about this because it seems God might be closing the door for us to be able to have biological children. Even though, the doctors always gave us a low chance of being able to concieve, I still hoped and prayed. I keep wondering, why God? Why couldn't we be blessed with a child? I don't understand. So many other ladies in their forties (I know quite a few who are the same age as I am, they still have their cycle, and are pregnant!)have been able to concieve. Why can't we? Did we do something wrong? Didn't try hard enough? I just don't understand. I did ask the Nurse Practitioner a few weeks ago when I had yet another asthma attack (every six to eight weeks it seems!)at the clinic about my disappearing cycle, we did a pregnancy test just to make sure (I refuse to buy one of those boxes for fifteen dollars only to have it turn negative on me again - what a waste of money!), and of course it was NEGATIVE, as always. The Nurse Practioner told me missing cycles is normal for age 45. Okay, but everyone I've talked to who has experienced this phenomenon of missing periods seems to be closer to 50, NOT 45! To me, at age 45, it seems I'm experiencing this a bit too young. My Mom told me she didn't experience skipped cycles until she was 50. The Nurse Practioner reminded me: "Yeah, but you have endometriosis and experienced two surgeries. Your Mom didn't." That is true. I am convinced that the second endometriosis surgery might have somehow prompted this premature menopause symptons. Extensive work was done on my ovaries, I had bi-lateral cysts on both ovaries, which were cut out of the ovaries, and my left ovary was stitched up in such a way to discourage more cysts from forming. Right after that second surgery, in the same month, that's when my cycle started disappearing on me, getting lighter, showing up some months, disappearing in other months, getting lighter, lighter, shorter, and then eventually disappearing almost three months ago. The good news is that I have lost ten pounds and given up soda. Still though, I wish, somehow, I still had a chance to try to concieve again. I'm still not ready to give up. I still dream of being a Mama. But how is that going to come true now when I do not even get a cycle? Isn't there anything I can do to try to bring it back? Trying so hard to accept God may have closed the door on my being a biological Mama, but still it hurts! What can I do?? Is God really closing the door on my being a biological Mama?? Prayers, please! Thank you so much! Email welcome at: prayrosary4life@gmail.com

14 comments:

JellyBelly said...

I'm still holding onto hope for you!! I will continue to pray for you Maria!

Beth said...

Will continue to pray as well! Look into Reeces Rainbows! God has a plan for you!

Jen said...

Sending prayers your way. I agree with Beth - God has a plan. Keep your chin up.

Praying for Hope said...

I really don't know what you could do to bring your cycles back. I know it's traumatic to watch it disappear like that. I don't know if God has a plan for you or not or if life simply happens, but keep moving forward in whatever direction feels right to you. That will be the right direction. If it's God's plan, then you're doing what you need to fulfill it. If it's just life, then you're not letting yourself stagnate, obssess, or become down and depressed.

SBCE said...

Hi Sweet Maria,

If the truth be told it used to annoy the YOU KNOW WHAT out of me when I was single and despairing and felt like my life was going nowhere, and some smug churchlady (who had everything she ever wanted because she obviously had a magic bullet novena which I did not) would piously try to shush me with "God has a plan."

The perspective of years has shown me the truth of that statement.

God does indeed have a plan and he has one for you. The other ladies who posted that with promises of their prayers are right.

I can imagine how you feel to a degree; I had endometriosis as well and was told I might not be able to conceive. It was devastating news and I cried for months. I can cry with you at your sadness at not having any children.

God does answer prayers, and all your prayers, tears, sufferings, and efforts will not be in vain. You will see them blossom and bear fruit in a miraculous way. HAVE FAITH.

Being a Mommy carries with it a different pain than being childless, but it is very intense.

I see Our Lady at the foot of the cross and marvel that she will intercede for us sinners and adopt us as her children after what we did to Christ.

I see from a sex offender registry that wierdos and criminals live within a few short miles of us. Children can sicken or die young. My cousin lost her only child when he was 25. My heart breaks for her and those mothers like her.

The only way to keep my sanity, aside from doing what can prudently be done to protect them, is to put it out of my head or I'd go nuts. That and I must trust that God has a plan for my own children regardless of the evildoing of others or the unfairness of the world in which we live.

I am sorry if comparing my pain and concern to yours makes you feel worse. As much as I love my children I've leapt out of the frying pan and into the fire, so to speak. I've permanently put my heart upon my sleeve and it will get broken again and again anytime my children suffer.

Praying for you, sweet Maria. Now to go feed them lunch!

the misfit said...

I'm pretty sure some of our homeopathic buddies may be able to suggest something that would make your cycle return (or be more normal) for a bit longer. I think with someone of normal fertility, that might be enough for conception (with a little bit of luck), but I wonder whether it would help with an infertile? I know my odds are zilch whether I have a cycle or not :/.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It seems that every new occurrence is a fresh wound, sometimes. Praying that you find the plan for good and worthwhile things that God has planned for your life, that could somehow make this miserable IF business worth it, very soon indeed!

www.menopause-support.org said...

i was just searching the menopause age because i am only 29, I found your blog its nice and very informative and i also have best wishes for you.

kate321 said...

Hi Maria,

I found your blog because I was googling the rosary novena. Ive been saying novenas for about six months and they have changed my life so I really enjoy your blog. Anyway, I wanted to suggest acupuncture for trying to conceive. Ive been seeing an acupuncturist for anxiety and stress, but her specialty is fetility and helping infetile couples. She has a wall of thank you cards and photos of babies that were helped conceived after years of infetility. I dont know if you are opposed to chinese medicine, but it is facinating. Although it is an eastern tradition, I believe that, of course, all healing comes from God, and this is just one of His ways to heal. Anyway, I hope this helps and I will pray for you!

Thanks for your blog!!

--Kate

deirdre said...

I have endo, and as I get older, I realize how hard it was to make decisions.

Get your hormones tested, and begin trying to adopt. I am trying to remember what radio or TV show talked about how inexpensive it can be to adopt.

I might even off you a small donation, but you just seem to be hanging on, and not making decisions. Accept the facts, and say - hey, things can happen, but maybe this is not my path in life. Do something - I don't mean to sound mean, but health can make things worse in the future. People can pass at an early age, as I have seen recently. Our parents can get sick, and then we're taking care of them! DO SOMETHING. You're not in charge of your life enough. And for me, anything I have said I will say to myself.

When I was 46 1/2, my cycle started skipping every other month for some time. And I'm on progesterone. I have gotten my period though. Three years later. not for me, but for you - you have time, in a sense. As long as you're getting your period, a doctor told me, you can get pregnant. I was actually taking progesterone to keep from getting my period, because I still get pain. I just had my period last week.

Get your hormones tested in a real way. Try to read the de-tox books by Ann Louise Gittleman.

deirdre said...

what i meant was, my head was always preoccupied with endo, pain, problems...i found it so hard to press on in personal decisions

make the decision to try to adopt, if that's in your heart

you can at least learn more about that world, and some baby/ child out there needs love

deirdre said...

look into metformin...now that i am on 2000 mg, i feel better...think better...have more energy and it may be why my period returned (even with the progesterone, which helps the adeno)...i have read that other women's fertility returns after raising metformin, if that's the issue....have you contacted dr hilgers?

where are you, come back!

Rangga Satia said...

It is truly a great and helpful piece of information.
I am satisfied that you simply shared this useful information with us.
Please stay us informed like this. Thanks for sharing.

Menopause manual

dots said...

hello,
i understand your pain and though no one can really know what all you have done to conceive but im wondering if you have ever considered surrogate mothers? i dont know if it is legal where you live or not so ummm not sure if this is relevant. what about IV Test tube babies? i mean shouldnt you try any of these techniques before you lose your eggs altogether?
advanced medical science has really opened up so many ways to get a baby...i hope you have been open to using them? surely God intended humanity to seek advantage from these interventions...

if all else fails, have you considered adoption? (again, not sure what your views are about that)

dots said...

hello,
i understand your pain and though no one can really know what all you have done to conceive but im wondering if you have ever considered surrogate mothers? i dont know if it is legal where you live or not so ummm not sure if this is relevant. what about IV Test tube babies? i mean shouldnt you try any of these techniques before you lose your eggs altogether?
advanced medical science has really opened up so many ways to get a baby...i hope you have been open to using them? surely God intended humanity to seek advantage from these interventions...

if all else fails, have you considered adoption? (again, not sure what your views are about that)