Hello - welcome to my little home on the web. Glad you could visit me today. My name is Maria, I'm 48 years old, vertically challenged, and I have big hair (My nickname in college was Chaka Kahn). I met my husband Ed on a Catholic Singles website (after praying many, many, MANY rosaries especially the 54 day rosary novena) and we have been married for seven and a half (L-O-N-G years - this is a joke of our's! LOL!). We live in southeastern, Mass. in our cozy condo. Ed is a computer technician at a public school nearby. Ever since I was twelve years old, I babysat. When I graduated from college, I became a teacher at a pre-school. I have been a teacher for twenty six years now. I adore children and have always wanted my own. My heart aches so much to be a Mama, but my arms are empty.
Shortly after being married, I needed surgery to remove cysts on my ovaries. I was diagnosed at the age of forty one with endometriosis stage four. When I was in my twenties, I remember running into an old high school friend at church. She told me the story how she and her husband wanted children, but were having at difficult time trying to conceive. She mentioned she had endometriosis and she looked so sad. I remember thinking, "Endometriosis? It sounds awful! What is that?" All I knew about it was that it could prevent a woman from being unable to have children. Deep down, I think that has always been my fear - I would find my Mr. Wonderful, but we wouldn't be able to have children. I even had dreams I was pregnant and I'd wake up feeling relieved - "Oh good, that must mean that someday after I get married I will be able to have children. When I prayed my rosary asking Jesus and the Blessed Mother to please help me find a good Catholic man, I'd also pray for children in each and every rosary. I never suspected that I had the disease too or my high school friend's nightmare would happen to me too. I thought the horrible, painful, and heavy periods, the terrible pms, and awful headaches during that time of the month were normal and every girl suffered this way every month. Nobody brought up the possibility I might have endometriosis, not even my primary physician when during a cat-scan taken in my thirties for kidney stones, they discovered I had cysts on my ovaries or when I mentioned once off hand that I had very painful periods (She recommended I take "Three Aleve!"). Multiple ultrasounds over a course of several months were taken to check on the cysts. I was even sent to a GYN to check on the status of the cysts, but again nobody ever brought up the possibility I might have endometriosis until I moved to New Bedford after I was married, mentioned during a doctor's visit with my new primary physician that I was previously diagnosed with cysts on my ovaries, and that started the whole process again which led to my first surgery and then finally - a diagnosis!
I have been very blessed to find a wonderful husband, have a loving family, great friends, and a job I love. I was also blessed to have an awesome Napro doctor for many years, but he is no longer practicing (There are no Napro doctors in my area. Please pray I can find a nice Catholic pro-life doctor who is patient and kind. Thank you so much!). But what I really want deep down, is a child. Everyone tells me it is impossible for me to have a child especially at my age and because the endo wasn't discovered until such a late age. Sometimes I keep thinking: "What if I had been diagnosed earlier? Like in my twenties? Would I have a child now?" Only God knows the answer and why not. I try really hard not to think of the "what ifs" and "why we weren't blessed with a child?" because it too painful. Maybe you, my dear reader, can understand? I have been to so many doctors and specialists, have had so many tests done, prayed so many rosary novenas, and rosaries. Even though it's next to impossible, I keep hoping and praying for a miracle like St. Ann and St. Elizabeth received in the Bible. It has taken me several years to try to accept God's will. It has been such a struggle, such a heartache, a major disappointment. Before when someone would announce their pregnancy, I'd run to the bathroom and cry. I also used to cry myself to sleep. I think I've been through all the stages of grief. What has helped me to accept God's will is: praying for others especially those suffering from endometriosis, pcos, and infertility, praying the rosary which gives me such peace and comfort, praying for Mothers and Dads to accept life for their unborn babies and praying for the end of abortion, and thinking of others. It also really helps me to think of myself as a "Mother's Helper" and offering to lend a hand or two to Mother's with children, and writing. Someday I'd like to write some Catholic pro-life fiction like Carmen Marcoux.
By the way, I am open to adoption, but the problem is: 1) I don't think my husband and I can afford it. We live paycheck to paycheck. and 2) We live in a small condo. Still though, I keep praying asking Jesus and the Blessed Mother to send us a miracle, the child who needs us the most. I trust that He has heard my prayers and some kind of an answer is on the way!Thank you so much for reading this and blessing me with being "Blogger of the Month". Your prayers are very much appreciated. Please send me an email or comment letting me know how I can pray for you. I LOVE praying for others especially those still waiting for a little one of their own, suffering from infertility, endometriosis, pcos, ect. It is such a comfort to know others are praying for me, some have similiar struggles, and I am not alone. Maybe sharing my story can help and encourage others suffering in the same way. Thank you. May God Bless you.
PS. A dear soul (but anonymous) took the time to leave me a heart felt comment in the post below this one. I understand you wish to remain anonymous, but would you consider emailing me at: prayrosary4life at aol.com? I'd love to send you a St. Gianna prayer card and a 54 day rosary novena book, if I may? Thank you! Hope to hear from you!