Friday, May 22, 2009

First Menses after Laparoscopy - less pain!

Thank you, dear readers and friends for all your prayers, encouragement, and comments! I really appreciate them all!

The good news is that I survived my first menses after my laparoscopy LOL! In the past when I had my menses due to the horrid endometriosis all four or five days of the menses were so painful that I had to constantly pop prescription pain killers. Now after my laparoscopy only the first two days were painful. When day three of the menses arrived and I felt no pain, I was shocked but pleasantly surprised. I was thrilled when day four and five of the menses were also pain free in this cycle. Wow, is this what a normal menses feels like? And here I thought for years before I was diagnosed with endometriosis stage four that having pain every day of your menses was normal and happened to every woman! NOT true!

Some more good news too! I have now lost thirty pounds and continue to lose every day. My biggest challenge is sticking with this anti- endomentriosis diet, finding things to satisfy my hunger, and staying away from anything with meat or dairy. When I started losing weight in August 2008 on the advice of my Napro doctor, I was barely five feet and weighed 179. Now I weigh 147. I am not sure though what my goal weight should be for my height and build. I am going to ask my Napro doctor during my next appointment on June 19th!

Some other things that have helped and encouraged me are: trying to do more exercise, listening to the new "Letting Go" relaxing CD that I bought last Saturday at an all day workshop I attended for work, and getting myself into bed earlier. Also right now I'm in the middle of praying the rosary, praying a novena to St. Gerard, and a novena to St. Gianna Beretta Molla to either be blessed with a child or to be able to adopt.

Thanks again to everyone for all the encouragement, prayers, and comments! It really means a lot! I will remember you all and your intentions in my prayers especially my daily rosary!

May everyone have a blessed and safe weekend!

Love,
MT

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Infertility is heartbreaking!

Question: If it's not God's will for me to be a Mother, then why did He put this intense desire in my heart to want so much to be one? Isn't that a sign of God's will?
My heart and arms ache so much to have my own child and to be a Mommy. I know I would be a good one. I have been a daycare teacher for over twenty years and I don't want to blog, but many people I've worked with and parents of the children I cared for have commented many times "How come you don't have any children? You would be such a good Mom someday!"

The answer I used to give them: "Because I am waiting for God and the Blessed Mother to send me a good Catholic gentleman. I am waiting for God's will." I tried so hard to be good when I was younger, wait patiently (!?), and pray my rosary every day.

Okay, well I prayed and waited a long time to meet my Ed. He is well worth the wait!"

But did I wait too long? I am almost forty three now (August 2nd) and found out last year in February 12 after my first surgery I had endometrosis stage four. Why do I feel like I'm being punished somehow? What did I do wrong??? You know what's more difficult than waiting years to meet a good Catholic man? Dealing with endometriosis or some other type of reproductive disorder and infertility! It's so heartbreaking! Yes, it breaks my heart for everyone who has to go through this and me too. So sad.

Sorry for the gloomy post (I also am on my first period since my last surgery and it's a killer! I need more pain meds!), but I just wonder - is it God's will for us to have our own child or maybe adopt? We don't really have the financial resources or room in our condo right now to adopt. How can you tell God's will for you? I feel the only way we will be able to be parents is to blessed with our own child. But I'm wondering, is this God's will for us? Do I keep praying for this intention? I really need to start praying my rosary more. Praying the rosary always makes me feel better. I LOVE the rosary and the Blessed Mother! Jesus and His Mother have always helped me!

May I please ask for prayers, please? And for all my friends going through similiar trials? Thank you so much! I know I am blessed to have Ed for my husband, but we want a child so much too. My fear is that we will never be blessed with a child and I will never be able to get pregnant. I feel like I'm trying to climb a big mountain, but can't.

Okay, I'm going to go now to pray the rosary, pray for others, pray for myself, and try to get my mind off this.

May God Bless you all.

Love,
Maria

Asthma flare up probably due to progesterone and still offline :(

First, the good news! My menses returned yesterday, but it was very painful so I'm taking my pain medications. I'm so glad I called my Napro doctor about my missing in action menses at the end of last month and he suggested taking my progesterone 200 mg suppositories for ten days. It is great that the progesterone helped bring the menses back, but bad that apparantly the progesterone caused an asthma flare up for me. I am not sure if it is the progesterone itself that causes the asthma flare ups or if the asthma flare ups happen the week before the menses is due, but it seems to me every time I take the progesterone suppositories the asthma flares up.

I purchase the progesterone suppositories from a compounding pharmacy in my city and each progesterone suppository is contained in this pink plastic casing. I think during my next appointment with my Napro doctor on June 16th we're going to have to talk about the progesterone suppositories, the affect it seems to have on my asthma, and discussing alternative ways we can encourage my progesterone levels. My Napro doctor did give me a slip to bring to my local's doctor's office for blood work to check my estrogen and progesterone levels so I'm going to set up some appointments to do that this cycle. Hopefully now that I've been taking the progesterone suppositories for awhile my body is better able to produce more progesterone on it's own. I'm also hoping that losing thirty pounds, exercising, taking "Fertility Blend" from GNC, ect. has helped boost the progesterone levels.

Last Thursday evening was kind of scary. I had been wheezing all week, but of course when I went to bed and was lying down it was worse. Who can relax when they hear themselves making scary wheezing sounds? Not me! It also didn't help when husband commented "I hope you're not going to Heaven tonight!" Yes, my goal is Heaven but if it's okay with God I'd like to stick around here for awhile. It's all up to God of course. Anyway, I had to get up and take a nebulizer treatment which definitely helped, but only for four hours. Needless to say, I didn't get that much sleep Thursday night. Also, when I took my peak flow it was about 200. Not good. Usually my peak flow is in the low to mid 300's.

Friday morning I had a dentist appointment and called to get an appointment with my asthma specialist. They told me to come in right after my dentist appointment, but didn't tell me what time. Since we only have one car, my husband had the car for work and came to pick me up around 12:30. We stopped for a quick lunch and then he dropped me off at the asthma specialist's office. Unfortanately by the time I arrived there, my doctor had already left for the day. Oh no - I have to see someone and get some meds please! Thank God, they understood and fit me in to see this other doctor there. They took my oxygen level and it was 96 (usually it's a 99 or 100). He instructed the medical assistants to give me a big shot of steroids in the arm and boy, did that hurt like heck but hey it did the trick! They also gave me a nebulizer treatment, a nice prescription for predisone, wrote me a doctor's note for work, and sent me on my way.

I'm feeling much better, but still wheezing a little bit, cough a lot, and have a lot of flem. Yuck. But thank God, I am breathing much easier and now I can sleep. Thank you God for my good medical care!

As for my computer, I'm still offline and antsy to get back on my computer. The problem is that my computer is a Dell and only certain parts fit in a Dell computer, which you have to (surprise, surprise) buy from Dell. Ed bought me a new computer case, power supply, and video card, but the video card is not compatible with my current set up. Tonight he is planning to go online to one of the discount computer places and buy me the parts I need, have them shipped to me at my work place, and then he will build me a new system.

I really miss my friends online, writing emails, checking all of your blogs, looking at all my pictures on my hard drive, reading my e-books, ect. I think I need some snail mail! Anybody enjoy writing snail mail? How about email? You are always welcome to email me at prayrosary4life@aol.com. It seems nowadyas the only email I'm recieving is junk mail and the 411 emails asking for business partners from overseas. I would LOVE to recieve a nice friendly email from a friend sometime! Thank you so much!

You are all in my thoughts and prayers!

May God Bless you all.

Love,
MT <----using someone else's computer right now again :(

Monday, May 11, 2009

Does Taking Progesterone Suppositories Worsen Asthma?

I am still trying to focus on getting healthy, eating better, and doing some exercise. Unfortunately due to perhaps sheer laziness, having previous low energy due to probably the endometriosis, and moderate persistent asthma, I'm not very good at exercising. However before I was married in June 2007, Leslie Sansone's books and dvds were recommended to me. I bought both her books and her "Walk At Home" DVDs. I am now doing her two mile walk DVD every other day. I am finding that after work I'm looking forward to doing the 30 minute DVD and it's getting easier to do. I'm also discovering that I'm losing weight faster by doing this DVD.

Last July 31st 2008 before my first visit with my new Napro doctor, I weighed about 176 pounds. Now I weigh about 149 pounds. My goal is to reach at least 145 by the time of my next visit to my Napro doctor on June 19th.

By the way, I spoke by phone to my Napro doctor and told him how my menses never arrived during the first month after my surgery (April 1st). He asked me if I had any fertile signs and I told him "No, my chart is now full of green stamps." He told me that he thinks the absence of my menses is due to the stress of my surgery. He advised me to take my lovely progesterone suppositories for ten days and my menses should show up a few days after I stop taking them. But if it doesn't show up, then I might have to go in for some blood tests.

Could you please pray for me that my cycle returns to normal? I would really appreciate it so much! Thanks! Hubby and I are still hoping and praying that we will be blessed with a child so we really need my cycle to return to normal soon! I am trying hard not to stress out and worry about this, but it's not easy especially when my forty third birthday is just around the corner (August 2nd)..

Also, do any of you ladies have asthma and take progesterone especially the suppositories? Do you find that your asthma worsens while on the progesterone? Or is it just me?

Another question - have any of you ladies been prescribed progesterone for awhile, were taken off them for awhile, and had blood tests done which showed that your progesterone levels improved? Just wondering.

I feel better generally while taking the progesterone, BUT it seems to make my asthma worsen while taking it. When I stop taking it there is a big improvement in my breathing about 24 hours after I stop taking it. I'm wondering, is it the progesterone that is making my asthma worsen? Is there anything I can take naturally through food or supplements which would improve my progesterone levels? Any help on this would be appreciated! Thanks!

Praying for you all in my daily rosary and for all your intentions.

May God Bless you!

Love,
MT :)

Update on computer situation

Sorry, I haven't been able to post in a few days but the husband is still working on my computer. My computer is now pulled apart and sitting on our stove. We took several trips to 'Best Buy' this weekend to purchase computer parts. The only problem was, we weren't sure which part was no longer working. The good news though was that everything on my hard drive was safe. Thank you, God and the Blessed Mother!

However my wonderful husband (a computer technician - YAY for me!) determined it was the video card that shorted out last Friday. He bought me a new video card at 'Best Buy' tonight. He plans on installing the new video card sometime tonight so hopefully I will be up and running again soon. I can't wait! Meanwhile we're sharing his laptop. Thank you, dear hubby! I love you!

May God Bless you all.

Love,
MT :)

Friday, May 8, 2009

My computer died and now I'm going through withdrawal!

Bad news! This afternoon while I was surfing friends blogs, my computer decided to die on me. I tried fixing the darn thing by turning it off and on, checking to make sure everything was plugged in, ect. but it wouldn't boot back up. I was so upset. Luckily for me, my husband is a computer technician. He checked it out, noticed a burning smell, and announced it's either the power supply or the motherboard. I sobbed to the poor husband "Oh no! What about all my data? I have several years worth of digital pictures on there, my fiction writing, my e-books, my e-mails, everything!" and "Honey, race you to the car! Let's go right now to 'Best Buy' to buy a power supply!" but Ed shook his head at me. He says he already spent too much money on my six year old computer and he'd rather just buy a new computer, probably a lap top. "Great! Let's hop in the car and go to 'Best Buy' right now!" Again, dear hubby shook his head at me. "No Maria, we will order it online. It's cheaper that way." I replied "Um okay, but how long will it take to arrive if we order this thing online?" Ed responded "Depends. Probably a few days." I answered brightly "Great! Let's go online right now on your work laptop and order it right away!" Ed just gave me a look and exclaimed "Wow, you really are addicted, aren't you?" Yes, yes, I really want my computer, my data, ect. Waaaaaaaaah!

And now after all that sobbing over my dumb computer, I have a BIG headache! Advil PM here I come! What in the world am I going to do without my computer? I love to go online, write on my blog, check out my friend's blogs, check my emails, ect.? I'm going to go through withdrawal! Waaaaaaah! Yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess I'm really addicted!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Negative Pregnancy Test at the Doctor's today (sigh)

I had a lovely appointment with the dermatologist today to check my moles (Before I was married my previous primary physician gave me a mole check during my last physical with her and found a suspicious mole, which was removed. It turned out to be two degrees from developing into a melanoma! Yikes!). She did not find any suspicious moles, but removed two moles - one near my left elbow and one on the bottom of my left cheek. Ouch! They are being sent to the lab to be examined.

While I was there, the dermatologist who was very nice noticed on my intake sheet under surgery that I recently had a laparoscopy. I told her my cycle was currently MIA. She asked me if I wanted to take a pregnancy test. I piped up and said "Sure!" While the test was being run, I prayed asking the Blessed Mother and St. Gianna for their intercession. I also took out my St. Gianna relic card and medal and stuck it on my belly for a moment while sending up a quick prayer.

As always, the test was negative. However I expected that. They are always negative. I wonder, will the day ever arrive when a pregnancy test is positive?

I know I am so blessed to have met a wonderful Catholic gentleman and married him, but I really, REALLY, REALLY want to be a Mommy and a Stay at Home Wife/Mother. I have a whole bookshelf full of books on pregnancy, how to take care of a baby, attachment parenting, raising children, homeschooling, books for children on the faith and saints, ect. I love to visit blogs of Catholic families where the Mom is a stay at home wife and Mother. I enjoy browsing amazon.com and barnes and noble.com looking for books on taking care of babies and raising children. I also find myself very often visiting websites selling baby slings, cloth diapers, and other items for babies tempted to purchase them for our future children.

I am trying so hard to follow this anti-endometriosis diet, stay away from meat and dairy, take my vitamins, drink water, and lose weight. I used to weigh 179. Now I weigh 153. I also try to exercise, but I don't exercise as often as I should. I know I should be doing some form of exercise every day. The problem is, that I also have moderate persistant asthma and wheeze a lot. I've been called Wheezy by many people. I am trying to do everything that I can to be healthier, boost my immune system, try to prevent the endometriosis from re-curing (I think having two surgeries in two years is enough!), and pray, pray, pray. But still even when I try to do all these things, it doesn't seem I am able to become pregnant. I keep wondering, is it too late for me? Should I give up? I'm going to be forty three August 2nd. My husband is going to be forty five on July 25th.

The sad thing is, I believe that the only way we are going to be able to become parents is by being able to conceive our own child. Why is it so many couples are able to conceive and we can't? All I ask for is just one. I know it's all up to God and I'm beginning to think maybe it isn't His will for us. What makes me very sad and frustrates me is this: the only way we are going to be able to have a child is to be able to conceive our own. A relative told me about foster care, how if you do foster care you might be able to adopt the child, and the state will pay for it. I was very excited about this and talked to Ed about it. But then we visited a friend who has done foster care for a long time and while we were there, the foster child (a teenager) was on the run, wouldn't attend school, was giving the foster mother a lot of guilt trips and grief. Well after that experience, my husband was turned off by the idea of foster care. As for adoption, I am very open to adoption and we even attended a seminar run by Catholic Charities. However the impression Ed received from the seminar was that in order to adopt a couple needs to be married for three years (our second anniversary is coming up on June 16th) and we would be given an older child due to our ages. Well, that would be fine with me. I would love to be able to give a needy child a home. The big problem is though, that we don't have the money to be able to adopt. We just can't afford it right now. Very sad, but true.

So the only way that we can become parents and have a child, is to be able to conceive one, our own home grown one. Okay, we are trying, we've had about three womb blessings from Priests so far, I have special sacramentals that could fill a room to be able to conceive, but still we haven't been successful. So frustrating! My heart and arms aches to be able to hold and care for a child and to be a Mother. I was pretty shy when I was younger and wouldn't admit it, but I've been babysitting since I was thirteen, I've always loved children, and always wanted them. Why is it that I can't even have one?

Yeah, yeah, yeah I know, I just had a laparoscopy on April 1st and my body is still healing. But still when my cycle went AWOL last month and still hasn't returned, I let myself think for a few days that maybe I was pregnant. Why? Because never in my life has my cycle ever went MIA. I've always been regular. When I was heavier my cycle always appeared on days 26 or 27 most times and once in awhile on day 28. My cycle never arrives past day 28. But now that I'm a little lighter, my cycle arrives on day 24. So yeah, I let my hopes get a little high again only to have them shot down again a few days later when I took the store bough pregnancy test and it was a BFN. I've always thought that pregnancy would be the main reason why a cycle wouldn't arrive. Until I posted about the missing cycle and heard from you other ladies about surgery delaying a cycle, it didn't occur to me that the reason for the missing cycle was the surgery. Oh well.

By the way, I called my Napro doctor, told him about the missing period, and he asked me if I had any signs of fertility. I told him "No, none." He recommended I start a ten day course of progesterone suppositories to jump start the cycle. I started taking the progesterone last night.

I just continue hoping and praying for a miracle. I still hope and pray that the Blessed Mother and St. Gianna can help me. I try to pray the rosary and ask St. Gianna for her intercession every day. Maybe someday my prayer will come true! Would anybody be willing to pray to the Blessed Mother and St. Gianna for me asking them for their intercession? It would mean so much to me! I'd really appreciate it so much! Thank you so much!

I think this Friday when I get paid again I will visit the St. Gianna Shrine online and order a St. Gianna medal with the chain and the bracelet too. Did I tell you that if we are ever blessed with a child and if it's a girl, we will name her Gianna Mary Clair?

All of you remain in my thoughts and prayers!

May God Bless you all.

Love,
MT