Saturday, June 26, 2010

Someone emailed me offering to be a Surrogate Mother for me!

Ladies, can I share something with you? A few of you might know our story. My name is Maria, I'm forty three, and I've been married for three years. My husband (he's forty five) and I have been trying to conceive for three years now. We haven't been able to get pregnant once. Two years ago, much to my devastation, I was diagnosed with endometriosis stage four. I've had two surgeries so far.

Many know of my husband and my struggle. Our family and friends. Co-workers. People who live in our apartment. Yesterday, out of the blue, I received an email from a young lady who just happens to be a relative of a dear friend. She is young and a very sweet and thoughtful girl. She told me she knows how much I want to be a Mother and have a baby. She told me how much she wants to help me. She told me she prayed about it and she is convinced that God wants her to help me and my husband out. Guess what she offered to do? Be a surrogate Mother for me and carry our baby! Oh my gosh, when I received this email I was shocked! I still am!

Can you imagine how much I wanted to write her back immediately and say "Yes"? I mean, my hubby and I do not have many options left. I am going to be forty four in August and my periods started skipping last year right after my second surgery. Hubby and I would love to be able to foster adopt or adopt, but it's so expensive and we don't have enough money. We are living paycheck to paycheck. Also something happened to us both this year, which could make it impossible for us to ever adopt. I'm sorry, but I can't write about it here. So as you can imagine for a lady who has been teaching at daycare centers for twenty two years and loves children, always wanted her own, who cries often wanting a child so much, and feels so sad and discouraged about not being able to have a child of her own, well when someone emails you and offers to be a surrogate for you, it's really difficult (heart wrenching) to have to tell her no!!

I am not sure what to email back to this girl. She is a family friend, related to a dear friend of mine. I do not want to offend her. But even if this is the only way I can ever be a Mommy, I still have to say no! Why? Because I know in my heart and soul that God does not approve of surrogacy. As much as my heart aches and my arms ache to hold a baby and have my own child, I can't risk losing my soul (or hubby's soul). It is my job as his wife to help him reach heaven.

I know that I have to write this young lady and tell her no, but not sure how to do it without offending her. She is a very sweet girl and I know she has good intentions. But like I said before, I know God does not approve of babies being conceived through surrogacy or IVF.

By the way, I am asked all the time why hubby and I are not trying IVF. Usually I'm asked this question by people who have tried IVF. How should I respond to that question?

My husband and I are joining the Third Order at our church, which is run by the Franciscans. We will be making our Consecration to Our Lady in July. We started taking the classes in January, which is when the first trial happened. We have had several trials since. We keep on receiving one trial after another and all of them could very well prevent hubby and I from ever being able to foster adopt or adopt any children.

Sure, I could cry and give in to despair, but I won't! I'm just going to continue to pick up my rosary beads and pray, pray, pray! I'm going to show Our Lord and Our Lady how faithful I am and I won't quit!

Maybe you guys could pray for me? This infertility/endometriosis thing is so hard especially when me and hubby want a baby so much! Thanks!

Thinking of you and praying for you all!

Love,
Maria