Monday, March 21, 2011

Mourning the fact we will probably never be able to have a biological child.

I think right now I am mourning the fact (due to the endometriosis stage four and that in August I will be forty five years old) that it is extremely doubtful that Ed and I will be able to have a biological child. It is so difficult to want something so much and not be able to have it. We've been praying for a child for almost the four years we've been married with no success. I think we've tried just about everything - diet, exercise, two surgeries, fertility specialists, ect. Nothing has worked.

I try so hard to be a good Catholic and pray for God's will to be done and offer up this suffering for sinners, the souls in purgatory, ect. but it's not easy. Sometimes trying to pray this way, I end up in tears and can't finish.

I think the only way I'll ever be able to be a Mommy is through adoption. I am open to adoption, but I really wanted to do the whole biological Mommy thing - experience the joy of carrying a child in my womb, giving birth, nursing, ect. Right now I am trying to mourn the fact we will probably not be able to have a biological child and start taking steps towards adoption.

Could you please pray for me? Thank you so much! I'm really having a difficult time with this fact. The only thing that consoles me is praying the rosary, praying for others, the hugs, kisses, and "I Love You's" I receive from the young preschool children I teach, and spending time with my six year old nephew and his almost four year old twin sisters. A couple of years ago my brother (Dad to my nephew and neices) said the nicest thing to me. He told me he would share his kids with me! Wasn't that so sweet? :) It really meant so much to me!

May God Bless you!