Sunday, May 20, 2012

Menopause at age 45? :(

No sign of my cycle now for almost three months now. I am not sure what to do, what to think, or my feelings about this. In a way, I'm very sad about this because it seems God might be closing the door for us to be able to have biological children. Even though, the doctors always gave us a low chance of being able to concieve, I still hoped and prayed. I keep wondering, why God? Why couldn't we be blessed with a child? I don't understand. So many other ladies in their forties (I know quite a few who are the same age as I am, they still have their cycle, and are pregnant!)have been able to concieve. Why can't we? Did we do something wrong? Didn't try hard enough? I just don't understand. I did ask the Nurse Practitioner a few weeks ago when I had yet another asthma attack (every six to eight weeks it seems!)at the clinic about my disappearing cycle, we did a pregnancy test just to make sure (I refuse to buy one of those boxes for fifteen dollars only to have it turn negative on me again - what a waste of money!), and of course it was NEGATIVE, as always. The Nurse Practioner told me missing cycles is normal for age 45. Okay, but everyone I've talked to who has experienced this phenomenon of missing periods seems to be closer to 50, NOT 45! To me, at age 45, it seems I'm experiencing this a bit too young. My Mom told me she didn't experience skipped cycles until she was 50. The Nurse Practioner reminded me: "Yeah, but you have endometriosis and experienced two surgeries. Your Mom didn't." That is true. I am convinced that the second endometriosis surgery might have somehow prompted this premature menopause symptons. Extensive work was done on my ovaries, I had bi-lateral cysts on both ovaries, which were cut out of the ovaries, and my left ovary was stitched up in such a way to discourage more cysts from forming. Right after that second surgery, in the same month, that's when my cycle started disappearing on me, getting lighter, showing up some months, disappearing in other months, getting lighter, lighter, shorter, and then eventually disappearing almost three months ago. The good news is that I have lost ten pounds and given up soda. Still though, I wish, somehow, I still had a chance to try to concieve again. I'm still not ready to give up. I still dream of being a Mama. But how is that going to come true now when I do not even get a cycle? Isn't there anything I can do to try to bring it back? Trying so hard to accept God may have closed the door on my being a biological Mama, but still it hurts! What can I do?? Is God really closing the door on my being a biological Mama?? Prayers, please! Thank you so much! Email welcome at:

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Do they know how blessed they are to be able to Be Mamas?

I have not given up totally on the hope of being able to concieve and give birth to our own child, BUT in order to do so I really need a miracle! However, I realize the odds are NOT in my favor. I regret not being more assertive in my younger years when I tried to tell my Primary Physician when I was in my thirties that I had very painful periods. The response: "Take Three Aleve!" Yes, I was sent to an OB/GYN by this same Primary Physician when it was discovered I had a cyst on my ovary after suffering from a kidney stone in 2004, but that OB/GYN did nothing. I visited her three times and all she did was give me a pelvic exam, make me take the CAT test (which scared me to death because I am NOT a dummy and knew she was testing me for ovarian cancer!), and tell me "No, you do not need surgery. We just need to keep an eye on this cyst." I can't help thinking that if I had been more assertive, opened up my big mouth, and asked for a second opinion, maybe, just maybe all the damage done to my reproductive system by the endometriosis stage four could have been lessened and just maybe, the hubby and could have been more successful in being able to concieve a child.

I also regret that when I was single, I did not take a greater interest in learning how to eat more healthy, lose weight, and exercise. When I became engaged to hubby at age forty, I remember becoming very anxious whether we would be able to have children, but somehow it never dawned on me that eating more healthy, losing weight, and exercising has such a major part in being able to concieve. Yes, I did order high quality pre-natal multi vitamins recommended by a good Catholic friend in the hopes of being able to concieve once we were married, but that wasn't enough. I needed better medical care, a primary physician who was better aware of the signs of endometriosis, and could give me a referral to a specialist who could have given me the medical help I needed. Instead I was told by the primary physician, I was "Fertile Myrtle", and I should have no problem being able to have children. Maybe if I had done that I would have been able to give my husband the children he really wanted. Maybe if I had done those things I would not be sitting here with an aching heart and empty arms.

Now I fear it's too late. I am forty five now. We were seeing a wonderful Napro doctor for three years who I really liked, but during the last visit in October 2011 Hubby spoke the fatal words that ended our visits: "We are no longer interested in fertility." He might no longer be interested in fertility, but I still am! I still take several vitamins in the hope for a miracle. I still hope and pray for a miracle - every day I've been praying the rosary, Divine Mercy Chaplet, and St. Gianna novena prayer with rosary beads touched to St. Gianna's relics.

As a woman who seems barren as a stone, it upsets me so much that other women see their fertility as a curse instead of a blessing. I know so many women who after being blessed with children, opt to have their tubes tied. What upsets me even more (to the point of tears) is when I hear men and women speak that unborn children are just globs of tissue and not people. They speak about how it's their body, their uterus, and their right to abort if they so choose. As a woman who longs for the gift of a child, but cannot concieve it pains me so. Several times after reading articles about women being pregnant with multiples, but electing for "selective abortions" I have just broken down in tears, had to leave the computer, kneel down, and cry "Why?" in front of our Divine Mercy Picture of Jesus in the living room. I pray for these women every day. I just can't understand why or how could a Mother murder her own child in the womb.

I have even encountered a few women online declaring they are planning to have abortions and have offered to adopt their babies, but are met with an indifferent, often angry response. I have noticed that if you find out someone wants to abort their child and you offer to adopt it, the angry feminists will say things like "I am not a breeder for infertile women." Can you say ouch? After encountering these kind of responses and being very hurt, I spoke to a Priest about it. He advised me to pray for these women. I do pray for them. I pray for them every day.

I have this dream where a woman who does not wish to be a Mother to the cherished child in her womb, finds me somehow, asks me if I want to adopt her child, and totally overjoyed, I tell her "Yes!" If I had my way, I would adopt every child in danger of being aborted. How I wish I could!

Maybe someday my dream will come true and I will become a Mama! It is my hope and prayer! In the meantime, I pray for all Mamas and Dads to choose and value life! I also pray for all my family and friends who are blessed to be Mamas! I hope they know how blessed they are to be able to be a Mama!

Thursday, February 9, 2012

The Susan G. Komen Facebook Page

I spent practically the whole weekend on the Susan G. Komen website after they decided to fund PP again. It was awful! Every post I wrote trying to speak up for the unborn babies, the pro-abortion people had a retort to: they lashed out at me, ridiculed me, and bullied me. They kept on trying to twist my words around and run me off the page, BUT I DID NOT BACK DOWN! In fact, I replied to many of their posts, answered questions, ect.

The next day at Mass, one of the Franciscan Friars proclaimed that God wants us to spread the Gospel. So I prayed about it and somehow got the courage to return to the Susan G. Komen page. I used a different tactic this time. I used quotes about Blessed Theresa of Calcutta. I also noticed that many women were saying they used contraceptives to deal with bad cramps. So I shared my story about having endometriosis stage four, having monster cramps for most of my life, but No, I never used contraceptives, and why. I shared with them about Napro. Some people on the Susan G. Komen page claimed they were medical people and how dare I say this about contraceptives, ect. They tried so hard to discredit me. My retort: "I lived with endometriosis and bad cramps all my life. You haven't." Again, I wouldn't let them try to bully me. A few women thanked me for my post and shared their experiences with Napro too, which was great! But my worst experience in that room was when a woman came on there and told everyone she was getting an abortion the next day. I emailed that woman offering to adopt her baby and included my plea on the Susan G. Komen post. The Pro-abortion people got rather nasty and said: "Neither she nor I am a breeder for infertile woman" ect, which yes, did sting! Here I was trying to do a good thing, trying to save that baby, and they attacked me. But again, I have found many of the women on that Susan G. Komen FB page were bullies. When I tried to speak up for the unborn and they retorted: what about the victims of rape and incest?" and I answered: "Why should that unborn baby be punished for the sins of the father?" ect. one woman came back and told me: "I hope you are raped someday!" Very vicious!

Finally two days later when a woman started retorting about an "owl swooping down and giving me knowledge and wisdom" my husband informed me that was Satanic Symbolism and requested me to leave that room! So I did. But I still haven't recovered from being in that room. I can't believe there are so many women out there that that just think an unborn baby is a bunch of cells or tissue, that aborting a baby is NOT murder, that I am the selfish one because I want to save the unborn babies, and that some of these pro-abortion women can be so heartless and mean! The other day I was at a medical appointment and some of their comments especially the "I hope you are raped", "abortion is not murder", and "we are not breeders for the infertile" and almost started crying! I just hope and pray that being in that room for three days off and on helped save some unborn babies and converted some women back to God and His Commandments. I have been praying my rosary very hard for all these women, all men and women who have had abortions, and for the end of abortion! This is a topic very near and dear to my heart!

Please ladies, please pray for the women on the Susan G. Komen Facebook page, all women and men who have had abortions, for unborn babies, and for the end of abortion!

Anybody want to join me in praying the rosary for this intention?